Its June 2010

Its June. Comparing myself @ earlier months. I can see lots of changes in me. I think I have changed for the better but I hope I will remain like this and not go back to my old self. I have been very quiet in office and be very calm no matter what happens. I keep telling myself.. not to think too much and live for TODAY.

I have learnt how to hide my sadness and smile.. tell people am doing good. but in my heart, I still wish I can have someone to hug and kiss me when I need one. Have a little one in my hands to play with. I am longing and praying for that kind of happiness but am also losing my hope in it as the days past by. Oh well.... there are other things to do in life too.... rite!

mmm... what else... my long working hours is back... we had a very nice temp staff who is very hardworking. I was so glad that at least one is good then the other 2 rotten eggs. Naz is also very different now. Her nags and complains is increasing day by day. I am so sad to see her like this. After our morning coffee, I rarely talk to her. She is so stressed up. Her family .. her kids .. her school and the workload has increase tremendously, her partner makes hell lots of mistakes and she is requesting for the different work and my boss is targeting me which I don't like. I even told Naz straight.. I can help her but I am NOT willingly to take yr work. I guess I have to fight against if I am given Naz work.I will rather leave the organisation then do her work. Am sorry Naz.

I just went for dental apt yesterday afternoon. I was thinking its not going to that painful like last apt but I was wrong. My real tightening was done yesterday. I am having 2 wires in my teeth now and he did 2 turns which is really painful now. From last nite, I have been struggling to sleep. I cant even brush my teeth. My dentist said... "next month I have to do the major pulling in for u my dear". I just looked at him and smile. Just when I was paying, I realise there is only few cents left in account. How am I going to survive through next week ??!!

Oh well... I Will Survive No Matter What.. hahaha

I have received 2 rejection emails for the private Us ... but I wont give up. I will keep trying. But my only worry is .. even if I pay my Ist payment.. how am I going to pay the rest?? mmm then again.. I know for sure.. I will take my Degree one day.

Friends - I miss my Noriz as usual. I chatted with last nite and she said they too many cute Indian boys there in SATS asking her number. I told her to give mine instead.. hahahahaha.. I am glad she is happy with a new job and with her Ayid. God Bless her. I cant wait to meet her. N Julie is also going to go for ACCA course. her mother is sponsoring her. Good for her. Last nite, I was thinking about Nesh and he called. Sadly it last only few mins. I miss my mystery man and hope he is happy in whatever he is doing. Another breaking news before I forget, my colleague and I are finally talking to each other. But I am keeping my distance to have a safer working relationship. Being quiet is not me at all but closest people to laugh with have all left me and so I rather shut up and be alone. I must get use to this because I can foresee lots of loneliness down the road. Shhhh....

Finally my health - after months of headache and back pain, my mother called the Malay lady to massage me. When that lady touched me at every joint, I screamed out of pain. I didn't even know my feet was swollen. She also told me.. there lots of blood clots and hard fats which is causing all these pains. She pulled my arms back to stretch my back and I heard a loud crack sound. After which she advised me get myself massaged at least once a month. The next 2 days, I was having this unbearable body pain which made Naz laughed too. hahaha. But I must admit, I was able to sleep well w/o headache for the 2 days but its back now again. I am trying my very best to keep away from panadols bec I had major side effects recently due to over dosage of panadols.

Oh my kadavalue. If u really there, give me the little happiness I want. Sometimes I am feeling very sad to see my mother limping from one temple to another.. wasting so much money on prayers than in looking after herself. Ahmen.

It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it...( its a quotation... hahaha) Love u Ganesha