Its been a while since I last blog. I have been posting lots of pictures and wrote nothing. Reason : August has been real tragic month for me. Oh maybe the incidents taught me lessons. One of the most terrifying incident was my father's OP. During the father's hospitalisation, the 3 of us were together with my him throughout. We stayed with him the whole day and very strangely my brother and I spoke to each other after a long time. I also saw my brother's galfriend. omg..she was such a nice gal with lots of family values. She even called my father 'appa'. My father and she were talking away non stop but when I asked my brother he denied. I am really hoping my guess is right. At least he can make my mother happy.Dear God make it happen please.
Seeing other patients who were suffering more than my father in the hospital was even more scary. I also did a huge mistake and hurt a very important person in my life and in the end I have lost someone precious forever, this taught me a big lesson too. This incidents made me very quiet and talk less. Its tough at times but am getting use to it. Strangely people around me are wondering what has happen to me.. there were even gossips about me of why am I not talking to anyone.
Being quiet is hard but it is helping me to control my temper and moving away from everything is really keeping me out of anger. At times I do jump but it has lessen so much. I can see that for myself. I even stopped talking to Nazi... I mean there are 5 Indians at our section now and all 4 are married woman with kids. I dont have anything to talk about when they start talking about their kids. Thank god I have face book games which is keeping me company.
Speaking of Kids. My classmate who is also my neighbour since primary school came to visit my father with his wife and a yr old baby gal. I just carried her once and she stick with me throughout his stay. I dont know why, I couldnt control my tears when I had her in my arms. I just couldnt explain the feeling I had. Thank God nobody saw my tears. She was so beautiful. My mother was very happy to see me carrying a baby. How I wish I can give her a grandchild to make her happy like this. Am sorry mum.
There have been relatives and friends visiting my father everyday. The more irritating and annoying group are relatives especially my elders auntie who has a cheeky husband. He has grandchildren but he loves being with young gals around him. Whenever I see him, my blood just boils. These people can ask me how much I have saved so far and what rank I hold at my current job?? Helo am not in the army!!! Simply stupid and rude questions. They also give me very sarcastic answers whenever I try to change topic and making me say something. My mother was signalling me all the time to ask me to keep quiet. And she is now begging me and brother to keep very quiet during my grandfather's prayer which is going to happen in my house end of this month.
Finally, tomorrow am going to attend my friend's wedding. Its been years since I last ended all these weddings. When I took out my bangle box, I saw my bangles are all old and its colors have all faded, my cosmetic products all have been years which I should discarded all time ago.hahaha.. oh dear, its time to clean up. I hope I dont get sad over the wedding and start wondering why such things isnt happening to me. I am going to wear a Saree which my mother bought for me for my so call 'engagement' last year. When she saw me taking out the Saree, she was so sad. I wonder how she is going react tomorrow.
Speaking of wedding, my adik Noriz's love is finally approved by her parents. I hope I can hear wedding bells for her. Am very happy for her. True Love will always be a success. Then again. forcing someone into loving u isnt love at all. I learnt that I was doing something very wrong all this while. I will never want to do it again and I never want any happiness which not going to last with me. I rather suffer quietly. In short, I learnt that everything happens for a reason.
If my God is really there watching, he will answer my prayers one day or else I will just live my life each day. Amen.
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