Goddess Saraswathi's Day

The last pooja for Amman on the 9th day of Navarathiri is Saraswathi poojai. I played a piece of music for HER. Felt blessed that I was able to do this.

It was a very sad day for me yesterday. I was hurt and I asked myself why is this happening to me again and again. I meant no harm for anyone.. then why??I am really tired of it. To stop this, the best way is to let go. There is no point on clinging onto something which is not going to happen at all.

Went home, my mother came to me and asked me to go to JB as a family in my brother's girlfriend's car. I almost wanted to get up and ask her where has the culture talk and Indian society thing went to?? But I didn't want destroy her smile. I just told her to go ahead without me but then again she asked me a qs,"is it because the gal" ... I looked at her and again patiently I told her am going to work. I am not jealous, am happy for my brother. Tks to the lovely gal he brought home, my mother especially is happy. But am just angry with my mother who keep changing only for my brother.

All these things which happened yesterday made me very depressed. Woke up early morning and headed to temple. Today is also the last day of puratasi. While waiting for the Q to form for lunch, I sat and heard a spiritual talk. Every single thing the speaker said was very true and practical. The main point which hit my head is "LOVE MYSELF".

While listening, felt much better. I also saw lots of babies crawling to their mothers and pregnant ladies walking with their husbands. It was a good sight. Lucky people. Before I started to think about all this things again, I went and stood in the q for lunch. Ate and walked out of temple, saw my bus and was home with a terrible headache. Thanks to the hot weather.

Came home, I saw my fave brother Raj online and he promised to patch back his friendship with my brother for my sake.. then my mother came home and told my last cousin has got marriage proposal and my another cuz bro is going to be a father. I was with all smiles. Wow.. too many good news all over... God Bless All of them.. mmm another one coming up to call me Auntie.. aiyo. sad .. sad... haha

I must Love myself. No matter what I must stay strong and no one can change my mind. I told the truth to the man I love and this is it. I had enough of being hurt. Sorry mum. I cannot bring myself to go through another marriage disaster.

Next week is fire walking. I always hope that I can see the full event but sadly there is no one to company me and my hse rules wont allow me to stay overnight all by myself. But something is telling me, I will be blessed to see some of the prayers which is going to happen next week. I hope my six sense is right.

OM SAKTHI...OM SAKTHI